I received an email from a mum who was completely overwhelmed with her responsibilities as a mother and found herself yelling and hitting her children. She always thought she would be a patient and calm parent, so every night she was plagued with guilt and remorse, vowing to change her ways. Yet the very next day there was more yelling and hitting, so the cycle continued.

How did I respond to this cry for help?

I wrote......

To start with , I just want to say you are amazing!
You are pregnant almost about to give birth and you also have three other young children in your care!
I can imagine your home is super busy and wildly noisy, with a to-do 
list that keeps on growing longer by the day?
Are your days a blur of busy-ness, where you feel like you don’t get much accomplished?
The truth is ... you DO so much!
You are working very hard with all those gorgeous little children in your 
care.

Who is caring for you?
Are you?
Do you have any support?
Can you ask friends or relatives for help?

You are important and what you are  doing matters!

Let go of your guilt....we ALL make mistakes! To rid yourself of guilt you need to STOP doing what makes you feel gulity!

LOVE yourself and your children and let go of the rest. You have the power to change and BE the patient and gentle parent you want to be.
When you get yourself to the present moment – that is ALL there is.

Let go of perfection – just flow, slow down and appreciate your 
children. Read books and leave the dishes, go to the park and sweep the floor later, snuggle and watch a movie with your children.....

What you are doing matters a lot!

You are needed ALL day long! It’s exhausting, but it will pass. They will 
grow up and you WILL have all the time in the world.

Your children will NOT remember a clean, spotless home, but WILL 
remember a Mum who always had time to connect with them.

When you get to a place of connecting with your children, rather than 
trying to control them....you will NOT need to be yelling or hitting 
them.

If you are nagging and yelling I guarantee your children will NOT be listening. Would you listen if someone was yelling at you?
If you want your children to listen to you, then connect and listen to 
them!
One tip to connect with ALL of your children is to allow at least 10 
minutes a day for one on one special time, with complete focus on
them.....getting down to their level and doing something that interests 
them.

Focus on connection and the positive attributes of your children. Do you hear yourself constantly thinking negative thoughts about your children? Your thoughts will impact the way you feel and behave toward them.

Your thoughts create your reality....change your perspective. Look beyond the behaviours to the feelings behind what’s happening? 
Are there any unmet needs? 

Our children do NOT need to be labelled! How you label them is how they will see themselves. Naughty is a word we DO NOT use!
Children are LEARNING!

For example, instead of, ‘he is always disrespectful to me’, try, ‘he is learning to relate to me and I need to respect him, so he learns to respect others’.

There is no perfect way to be a parent, we are always learning and our children are  always learning from us, so we need to be teaching them consciously. Children are mirrors, our responses set the tone for how they respond to us.

One question I always ask myself when my children are acting out, is how is my relationship with my husband at that time?

Every single bit of energy we put into our relationship will come back to us through our children. Happy parents make happy kids. Is there a sense of warmth in your home or is it full of tension? Our homes need to be havens, where we all feel nurtured and welcome.
 
I think the main idea to get from this is to take care of yourself and your thoughts, so you can then care for your children optimally.
Put nurturing yourself as a priority in your life, ask for help, we ALL 
need support.
You can be that parent you always wanted to be. Your children NEED you to be that emotionally stable, unconditional love and support that they deserve.
  



 

5/10/2012

KathyJane,
This is it exactly. How can we love another if not first ourselves? How can we expect our kids to be peaceful if we are not. "Put nurturing yourself as a priority in your life, ask for help, we ALL
need support." Thank you for reminding us to never be so selfless in parenting that we lose our SELF.
xo
Suzanne

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