I believe we choose our children as much as they choose us.
 
My boys have chosen me to guide them through some of the lessons they are here to learn. In doing so, I am also learning some of my life lessons; trust, cooperation, balance and integrity. Trusting, cooperating and connecting with them as we manoeuvre ourselves through lifes challenges. Modelling exactly what I want to teach, so letting my life be my teaching.
 
When faced with a child who has a very low tolerance for frustration and who finds it hard to articulate himself when in this state; I can either choose to be empathic, even though his behaviour can be very destruptive and sometimes hard to deal with, or I can lose patience and become inflexible to his needs and emotions.

One response is to connect the other to control. To connect with the feelings behind the behaviour or try to control the situation by exerting my will.

Even though the frustration itself may have been over something very minor to us, to the child who is experiencing the frustration it is completely valid.

I have read that there are no negative emotions, it is just how we choose to express them.  Do we allow our children to call names, talk back, and generally be disruptive or do we teach them the skills to handle their frustrations in a more socially acceptable way, without repressing any feelings?

When we realise that we need to look past the behaviour to our childs feelings and needs, then we are able to get to the heart of the issue.

However the majority of parents only look at the behaviour, while the feelings of the child get ignored. It is hard for parents to break the pattern created by their upbringing, so they recreate the same punishments that they once received.

As parents we do not need to accept what your children do when they are in a state of frustration. We just need to take the feelings seriously and help your child find better ways to express their feelings, so that everyone's needs are met.

I believe my son has chosen me, to help him become all that he can be
regardless of his emotionally sensitive nature.

All children are unique and special, just as they are. Lets accept them and teach them skills to be the best they can be.

kJ xxx




Nicola
1/23/2012

Beautiful article, you express this so well, both in your article and in the way you live your life. Thanks for sharing.

Reply
1/24/2012

Thanks Nicola, I appreciate your support and feedback.

Reply



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