If we want our children to experience the elation of success, then we must teach them to embrace failing. 

There is a huge difference between failing at something and being a failure as a person.  There are no failures. Everyone is learning and making mistakes is part of this process. We learn the most by making mistakes and failing.

Is failing accepted as part of the learning process at schools? Or are children taught to evaluate themselves and their success in terms of external achievement? Are children so focused on receiving the highest grade, the most gold stars, awards, trophies etc, instead of the internal satisfaction of learning something new or mastering a new skill?

It seems we are setting our children up to fear failure, through this focus of winning at all costs. Could the reason for such high rates in youth suicide and depression be put down to young people evaluating their
self-worth on external measures of success rather than inner satisfaction. Looking for happiness in things rather than it being a part of who they are.

I hear parents saying to their children 'I'll give you $10 if you win', and all  the time not thinking of the consequences this holds for their children's inner sense of enjoyment for a sport they may love. Winning at all costs, instead of for the fun and the skills they are learning every time they play. What happens when that child loses? Do they call themselves a 'loser', because failure isn't accepted or do they work out ways to enhance their skills for the next game? What are we modelling as parents?  Are we all 'losers' when we fail at something? Can anyone ever win all the time?  

Wayne Dyer states, 'the more we teach achievement at the expense of inner satisfaction, the more we teach youngsters to take the easier path and to avoid the failure label'.

We are forgetting that the REAL 'winners' in the world are the people who have  failed a lot and learnt from these failures to better themselves in their given area of talent. Not through comparing themselves to others , but having their own measure of inner excellence and goals.

Natural learning allows children the opportunity to enhance that inner sense of achievement, free from external judgements.

Presently, my son Finn (7 years old) enjoys and learns a lot from creating factual books on dinosaurs. Drawing the pictures, researching information, writing basic facts about their size, what they eat. Also drawing maps of the world to show where their fossils have been found. He spends hours, creating, researching and putting these together. He shines with a sense of achievement and joy upon completion. This seems to be reward enough for him.

Nothing was designed to please us in anyway. This book was created purely as an  extension of Finn's interest in dinosaurs and his passion for drawing and books.
We share in his joy by sitting with him and listening as he reads his book. There are NO corrections of spelling, grammer and certainly NO mark or gold star for his creation.  His creative process allows for failings, and there were many drawings disgarded and words rewritten. Yet he seems to just  know he will draw it differently next time, therefore learning from his own mistakes.

Failing is a part of any creative process. There have been many a burnt cake or less-than-yummy meals over the years, while trying to master the art of baking and cooking. Yet, as I understand the nature of failing, I know that this is an inevitable part of the learning process and I embrace it and accept myself just where I am. 
But if we are afraid of failing and teach this to our children, then maybe they will never try things that will bring amazing depth and richness to their lives.

Wayne Dyer states 'If we train our children to go after achievement and ignore inner satisfaction, then we are teaching them to take the easy path, to be more concerned about opinions and rewards .... and consequently to avoid any hint of failing'.

So lets go out and fail......it's ok.....it will lead us to our success.

kJ xxx

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I believe we choose our children as much as they choose us.
My boys have chosen me to guide them through some of the lessons they are here to learn. In doing so, I am also learning some of my life lessons; trust, cooperation, balance and integrity. Trusting, cooperating and connecting with them as we manoeuvre ourselves through lifes challenges. Modelling exactly what I want to teach, so letting my life be my teaching.
When faced with a child who has a very low tolerance for frustration and who finds it hard to articulate himself when in this state; I can either choose to be empathic, even though his behaviour can be very destruptive and sometimes hard to deal with, or I can lose patience and become inflexible to his needs and emotions.

One response is to connect the other to control. To connect with the feelings behind the behaviour or try to control the situation by exerting my will.

Even though the frustration itself may have been over something very minor to us, to the child who is experiencing the frustration it is completely valid.

I have read that there are no negative emotions, it is just how we choose to express them.  Do we allow our children to call names, talk back, and generally be disruptive or do we teach them the skills to handle their frustrations in a more socially acceptable way, without repressing any feelings?

When we realise that we need to look past the behaviour to our childs feelings and needs, then we are able to get to the heart of the issue.

However the majority of parents only look at the behaviour, while the feelings of the child get ignored. It is hard for parents to break the pattern created by their upbringing, so they recreate the same punishments that they once received.

As parents we do not need to accept what your children do when they are in a state of frustration. We just need to take the feelings seriously and help your child find better ways to express their feelings, so that everyone's needs are met.

I believe my son has chosen me, to help him become all that he can be
regardless of his emotionally sensitive nature.

All children are unique and special, just as they are. Lets accept them and teach them skills to be the best they can be.

kJ xxx

If we strive to better ourselves as human beings everyday, the whole human community will benefit.

Our bodies are made up of millions of cells, which each need to be working at their best to create optimum health.
Earth is like our body, and we are all the cells. To nurture our earth, we each need to nurture ourselves and others through being the best we can be. Living life with love, respect and acceptance for ourselves and others, no matter how different we believe we are. We are all perfectly imperfect, special and unique. We all have something to offer, no matter who we are.
For health of our planet all of us need to be living our best life.

kJ xxxx
An article by a psychologist, Peter Grey, expressing the importance of children's freedom to choose what they are learning and doing. Maybe it's TV or computers or books, the bottom line is that it's a childs right to choose! kJ xxx

Natural learning allows children the freedom to be unique. Unique in their learning style and unique in their choices of learning topics. kJ xx
Want to nurture youself with vibrant health and energy?
Try filling your diet with delicious, raw, organic food.
Check out a new recipe Raw Chocolate Pie. You will not believe how yummy avocados can be, when mixed with cacao powder!
Enjoy! kJ xxx 

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